"Adam and Adam" (Japanese: アダムとアダム Hepburn: Adamu to Adamu). This article is the Old Testament that can be seen in Gachimuchi (ガチムチ).
Book of Genesis (創世記)
At first there was a soramimi. The soramimi was written by the viewer. The soramimi was God. God created and played Adam and Adam. God taught the two fairies Enoch, the language for fairies. Adam and his colleagues learned the words of everything on earth. Ready, God said:
"Assortment down there"
Pierce and a collision occurred. Him and digging were caused by those transformations. God scattered stardust in the night sky, and those stars shone at night. In the daytime, the sun lit the ground, trees grew, and the forest bear lived with the fairies in the forest. The place was called Hatten. In Enoch, it means fairy land.
Genesis = A book that describes the beginning of Gachimuchi
God = The viewer who wrote the soramimi first
It was allowed to play = Gave Gachimuchi a story
Enoch = Soramimi
Named everything on earth = Deciphered soramimi
Assortment down there = Let's make MAD
Pierce and Crash occurred = MAD flourished
Called Hatten = Called Wrestling Series
Creation of Adam and Adam (アダムとアダムの創造)
※"You took my thing...///"
After creating the words and the earth, God made dust and made people by imitating himself. Dust is Hebrew and Adamer. It changed from there to Adam. And God showing compassion, "I am sorry that Adam is alone," and created another Adam. God extracted the pubic bones of the first Adam and created the second Adam from them.
Hatten Garden (ハッテンの園)
Adam and Adam were with God at first, but God gave Adam and Adam the Garden of Hatten and made them live there.
And God
"Eat all the fruits that grow in this paradise. Then you can live in Hatten forever. But don't eat straight fruit in the center of the garden. Then you will die."
I was told.
Adam and Adam understood that, and played with each other completely naked. God, who saw this
"It looks like the fairies are dancing".
I called them the Forest Fairy.
Banished Paradise (楽園追放)
※Secret Garden
Lucifer sent a snake to corrupt the Adams. Adams and others lost to the temptation and ate straight fruit. God said.
"You're slacking off these days. Get out of Hatten, I'll give you pants."
By eating the straight fruit, the second Adam became bi, married Eve, and their descendants flooded the earth. It is said that the first Adam and the second Adam sometimes remembered Hatten and played like a fairy. From here, the history of humankind began, and the stories of many humans were unfolded.
Cain and Abel (カインとアベル)
※Cain and Abel wrestling
Cain offered his harvest to God and Abel offered his sheep, but God paid attention to Abel's offering and ignored Cain's.
"Hmm? Why?" Cain was furious and invited Abel to the wrestling field. "Get out of this world! Gyuuuuuu-Rock, paper, scissors !" And then he strangled him. "I'm coming... I'm coming... i came"(はぁ、はぁ...イッた...) " And then Abel died.
Cain tried to covered it up, but the blood spilled on the earth silently told God the truth. Cain was expelled from Hatten and sat on the gym.
Noah's ark(ノアの方舟)
People got sloppy, God said
"I will wipe out all flesh. I will destroy them with the earth". He told
Aniki and Kazuya missed the Ark, but they continued wrestling in the water[1] without a care in the world.
The Tower of Babel(バベルの塔)
Nimrode built a huge tower to challenge the heavens, but god destroyed it, making the languages/wording confusing. This is why we can't hear clearly and soramimis exists.
Jacob(ヤコブ)
Abraham and Sarah gave birth to Isaac. Yahweh (god) commanded Abraham to make an offering to Yahweh to test him. Abraham had Isaac carry the firewood on his back and went up the mountain to offer a sheep, but there was none, so he tried to offer Isaac. An angel stopped it.
Isaac married Rebekah and has Esau and Jacob. Esau was jealous of Jacob because of his father's favoritism toward him. It is like the story of Cain and Abel all over again. Jacob takes refuge with his mother (Rebekah's) older brother Laban. Laban could easily be described as Erina's brother in Joseph Joestar's eyes.
One night in Jacob's dream, the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am the Lord". "The earth on which you lie will be given to you and your descendants." he said.
Jacob became friends with Laban's daughters, Leah and Rachel, and married Rachel. It would be easier to say that Rachel is Erina's brother's daughter in Joseph Joestar's eyes. Laban stole Jacob's things, so Jacob fled from Laban's place.
※The Angel and Jacob
Jacob had two wifes, two side girls, and eleven children. As he went into the forest, an angel appeared and began to wrestle with Jacob.The angel said the following:
"You shall call yourself Israel, not Jacob."
Thus, Israel was born.
The flag of Israel. The star in the center is called the Star of David.
Sodom and Gomorrah(ソドムとゴモラ)
Abraham's nephew, Lot, was going to Egypt, Canaan, Jordan, and Sodom. Yahweh tells Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah will be destroyed because of their dirty practices.Yahweh destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah by casting fire and sulfur from heaven. Lot's wife was instructed not to look back, but she did, and became a pillar of salt.
Author's Commentary.
In Marcel Proust's book, In Search of Lost Time, the term "man of Sodom" refers to male sexuality. In fact, there have been homosexuals since at least the time of Sodom and Gomorrah. It's not Gomorrah, it's Homorrah. The word for homosexuality is sodomy.
Book of Exodus(出エジプト記)
※Moses
The Egyptians were concerned that their country would be conquered because of the increasing number of Israelites. The Egyptian king, Pharaoh, ordered that the Israelites born in their realm be thrown into the Nile River.
In the midst/meantime of this, Moses, a Midianite of the tribe of Levi, was born in Israel. Moses grew up and tried to escape from Egypt with the oppressed Jews. He was captured by the Egyptian Pharaoh, but he caused ten plagues and escaped from Pharaoh.
1-Plague of Blood
2-Woe of the frog
3-Woe of the gnat
4-Plague of frogs
5-The plague of venereal disease
6-The plague of my pants being torn by Aniki's monstrous strength
7-The plague of hail
8-The plague of locusts
9-The plague of darkness
10-A plague in which all the babies in Egypt die
A large number of Egyptians blocked their way of escape. then Moses commanded: "Asses/butt, crack!" At that moment, the buttocks of all mankind split open. The Israelites learned of the great work of the fairies. This was called circumcision.
Moses was hungry and asked God to give him some food. A bowl of fried rice with starchy sauce fell from the sky. This was called manna. The Israelites ate this manna (note from ziarna: Mana is a food mentioned in the Bible. The Israeli people who wandered through the wilderness out of Egypt got it.) for forty years until they found a safe place to live. When they struck the rock of Horeb, water flowed from it.
Moses received the Ten Commandments from Aka-san on Mount Sinai, also known as Mount Horeb, and wrote them on a tablet.
I. Don't disrupt the video
II. Don't delete tags
III. Practice the Three Beliefs of Fairy Philosophy
IV. Shin-Nippori is Jerusalem
V. When someone asks, "What's up?" (a reference to a soramimi) Do not respond to the question, "What's up?"
VI. Don't persecute straight people
VII. Take the strongest pork belly (a reference to a soramimi) and fried rice with starchy sauce as a sacrament.
VIII. Don't soak your pants with the leftover urine after urinating.
IX. Rest on the Sabbath (during maintenance).
X. When a person is about to be crushed by a heavy dumbbell, help him.
Moses told God.
"What shall I call thee?"
And God said.
"My name is 'I AM'."
The Hebrew word for "I am" is YHVH (Yahweh). Adonai is used as a euphemism. In this article, Yahweh = Aka-san , because he is the one who is between Aniki's legs.
Leviticus(レビ記)
※Aka-san called Moses and said.
"When you present a livestock offering to me, you shall present an ox or a sheep. The one who offers it must put his hand on the head of the beast. Then it will be given to me, and I will make atonement for him. He shall slaughter the calf before me, and the priests shall pour out its blood around the altar."
Aka-san then continued continue. "If you erase a tag or commit a crime in a Gachimuchi Pants Wrestling video, you must atone for your crime by buying web money at FUCK99 (a convenience store run by TDN Kosugi) and offering it to Dwango".
The Book of Numbers(民数記)
※The Israelites who indulge in debauchery and did not listen to the words of Moses
The Israelites went north to a lewd/sketchy mountain named Mount Hor, where Aaron died. This was the land that God had promised to Moses. The Israel people asked Aka-san for help, but he didn't listen.
Aka-san sent the Israelites wandering in the wilderness to chastise them because they were sloppy. This was because the Israelites were fighting the Canaanites and were looking for a chance to win. Moses had warned them not to go up, but the Israelites went up and met the Canaanites.
The Israelites were sloppy this time, too, so they didn't conform to Aka's will.
Deuteronomy(申命記)
During his journey from Egypt, Moses became convinced that Aka-san's existence was true. Moses taught the people the Ten Commandments given by God and warned them not to suffer the wrath of Aka-san. Moses died at the age of 120. The Israelites were very saddened by Moses' death. Joshua became their new leader.
In fact, Joshua was Yahweh's chosen one to decipher the soramimis. He was the one who would later be reborn as the person who would decipher the Gachimuchi pants wrestling soramimis.
Note of Author.
These books, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy are the Five Books of Moses, also known as the Torah.
Joshua(ヨシュア記)
※Joshua battling the Canaanites.
A record of Joshua leading the Israelites to conquer the Canaanites and the lands from the Nile to the Euphrates River. After the death of Moses, Yahweh orders Joshua to cross the Jordan River.
Joshua crosses the Jordan River carrying the Ark of the Covenant containing the Ten Commandments. The Canaanites try to destroy Joshua and the ark. Yahweh recognises Joshua as the successor of Moses and makes the sun stand still as proof.
Aka-san gave Israel a Gachimuchi/stiff body and had them attack the hostile Canaanites. The Canaanite king killed every last one of them, not a single one of them had any breath left. The reason for this was that God had given Joshua a sloppy body.
Book of Judges(士師記)
The heroes of this era were called "Chi Chi". A giant of a man appeared.
Samson: "Vow!
A giant of a man named Samson killed the as much as to make two mountains of enemies bones in the battlefield. Samson was thirsty, so he prayed to the Lord.
"You have given me victory, but now I am dying of thirst". And the lord shattered the earth, and caused the waters to gush forth. The land became known as the fountain/spring of those who pray. Samson became the judge of Israel for twenty years.
※Delilah
A woman named Delilah told Samson
"Please tell me where does your monstrous power reside". Samson told me and i said
"If you shave your hair, you lose your strength, you become weak, you become like an ordinary human being".
Samson had his hair shaved and his eyes gouged out by the lords. But despite his blindness, Samson was a madman who could possibly bring down temples like the one in Jerusalem where he was held captive.
Book of Judges(ルツ記)
※Luz
This is the story of Luz, a woman who lives in the city of Moab, on the eastern shore of the Dead Sea in ancient Israel, in what is now Jordan. This is the shortest book in the Old Testament. In the time of Judges, Luz was picking up fallen ears in the field. Luz marries and has a child, who is to become David's grandfather.
Samuel I(サムエル記 上)
※Saul, the first King of Israel
A prophet named Samuel chooses David, the youngest of Esai's eight sons, to be the next king. Saul, the first king of Israel, felt like he was possessed by an evil spirit, so he tried to get a lyre player to heal him.
The servant said, "David, son of Esai, plays a special kind of music called the ass drum, and he is a good man." David played the K2drums for Saul, and Saul was healed. Saul liked David and he gave him bread and wine as gifts.
Samuel II(サムエル記 下)
Samuel: "I'll take what belongs to you..."
※Saul being jealous of David.
David defeated Goliath and became famous, and Saul was jealous of his popularity. David became greater than the first king of Israel and was confirmed to be the next king of Israel. Saul tried to kill David, but David thought he shouldn't kill the man chosen by Yahweh, the Lord of hosts (army of angles), so he left him alone.
David(ダビデ)
Summary: Second King of Israel
Birth: 1040 BC in Bethlehem
Death: 961 BC, Jerusalem
Father: Esai
Wife: Bathsheba
Son: Solomon
※Statue of David" by Michelangelo (Collection of the Florence Museum, Italy)
David, famous for his naked sculptures, brought about the greatest prosperity in Israel's history. His superior body and brave deeds are the ideal of every man.
Goliath, a huge Philistine warrior, appeared.
※Goliath: Vow!
"If you win, you may make us your slaves. But if you lose, we will make you our slave".
The Israelites were horrified. Saul said.
"Will David be able to defeat him?"
"'I have struck down the monster of Devil Lake bahama. Whether it is a bear or a lion, I can defeat it." Saul gave him armor, but David went into battle completely naked. That is how the Spartans fought the Persians. The Spartans also fought the Persians in this way, and later became the Knaked Knights. David threw a stone at Goliath, and Goliath fell. David took his sword and ripped off Goliath's head.
Goaliath: "You...(あんたぁ...)"
The Book of Kings (列王記 上)
※"Statue of David" by Michelangelo
Solomon, the son of David, became the third king of Israel. Solomon's brother, Adonijah, also tried to become king and fought for the succession. In his old age, David realized that "death is the inescapable fate of all men" and left his last will and testament. Solomon built a magnificent temple.
Israel prospered under the reign of King Solomon. They say that we like heroic colors, and Solomon was no exception. He had many foreign princesses, including the Queen of Sheba of Arabia. The people's support for the lecherous Solomon began to wane. In the kingdom of King Rehoboam, Solomon's son, there was an abundance of male prostitutes in the temple.
Chronicles I(歴代誌 上)
※David places his hand on Goliath's neck.
David built Jerusalem in the midst of war. Solomon, David's son, succeeded to Jerusalem. He delivered the Ark of the Covenant, which had been handed down from the time of Moses, to Jerusalem.
In Jerusalem, a burnt offering was performed. A burnt offering is a ceremony in which a straight man is burned on an altar and offered to God. Solomon sent a messenger to all Israel and called out, "Let's have a gay festival" in Jerusalem.
Chronicles II(歴代誌 下)
※The Gay Palace Temple, also known as Jerusalem, in Shinnippori
Solomon, the son of David, gathered all the citizens of Shinnippori, the fairies of the fairy forest, and the people of the Shinnippori fire station and climbed up the mountain of Shinnippori. There was a box of fried rice with starchy sauce and a statue of Aka-san. On the altar of the statue of Aka-san, he held up 10,000 straight men as a burnt offering. That night, Aniki, who resides in the heavenly realm, appeared to me and said.
"You can wish for anything you want. I will give it to you."
"You have shown abundant mercy to my father David and have set me up as the future king of the Gay Palace to replace him. Eternal Father, now is the time for you to fulfill the promise you made to David to build the Gay Palace on earth, and give me, who was established to rule the citizens of Shinnippori, who are as numerous as the grass that grows on the earth, the wisdom of a wise man and soramimis, so that I can lead the citizens of Shinnippori well".
Aniki told Salomon:
"You did not seek wealth, honor, or the destruction of straight people, but wished for the prosperity of Shinnippori, an inheritance from heaven. In that case, I will give you a gay palace in Shinnippori. There has never been a king like you, and there never will be".
Note from writer: The word "inheritance" is a coined word. Bible translators define inheritance as the inheritance of status or wealth, but in the original text it is just "treasure". When reading the Old Testament, let's convert it to "inheritance = treasure" in our brains.
※Fried rice with starchy sauce, a typical food of Shinnippori.
Solomon ordered Kazuya and his men to build the Gay Palace Temple for Anikis name. Solomon explained to Kazuya about the Gay Palace.
"I will build a gay palace temple in the name of my eternal father, offer wrestling as an offering in front of it, constantly offer the strongest pork belly and fried rice with starchy sauce in front of it, and tag a video every morning, noon, and evening. I would like to make sure that resting on the Sabbath (during maintenance) will always be observed in Shinnippori. The Gay Temple, I want to help build the Gay Palace Temple, because the soramimis you emit are a great thing. So please help me build the Gay Palace Temple".
Continued
"Please send skilled Shinnippori citizens who make quality Multi☆Gay☆Pants, or who can make sculptures here. Please send us wood of cedar of Lebanon, cypress, and sandalwood. Send wheat, barley, wine, and olive oil to those who send them to us!
※Food at the Gay Palace Temple
TDN Kosugi, president of Tsuyoshi Industries (a shinnippori company located in Nasu Highlands) spoke with Solomon when he heard about the construction of the Gay Palace Temple.
"May Aniki, the son of Aka-san, who created the heavens and the earth, be praised. You have given your father David a hard and wise and insightful child, who is going to build the Gay Palace Temple in your name and for the eternal glory of Shinnippori. I shall give you my best employee, Kurimichi Ikeda. He has the ability to make any pair of pants and any sculpture. We would be fortunate if he could assist the Son of David in his plans".
Solomon started to build a gay palace in the mountains of Shinnippori with Kurimushi Ikeda. He covered the inside of the gay palace with pure gold. He covered the wood with fine gold, then carved reliefs of date palms and mesh patterns on it, and decorated the temple beautifully with jewels. The gold was filled with a dazzling luster. The beams, thresholds, walls, and doors of the Gay Palace Temple were also covered with gold, and the walls were decorated with reliefs of the Nau's Son/ナウい息子 (reference to a soramimi refering to the genitalia). The ball at the base of the Nau's Son/ナウい息子 was not gold, but it was covered with gold in the Gay Palace Temple, so it came to be called the Golden Ball.
※If you look closely, you can see it's shaped like a testicle.
The nails were gold, and the room upstairs was also gold. Kurimichi Ikeda made two statues of Aka-san in the Most Holy Place. Solomon had Kurihara-Ikeda make all kinds of altars to put in the temple. The golden altar, the holy table on which the strongest tonga corn was placed, the pure gold candlesticks that gave off an pleasant air (here is a word joke about a term -> sukebe = oversexed /plesant), the roses made of pure gold, the pure gold fireplace, the brazier, the lamp-pan, the scissors, the bowl, the ladle, the entrance to the temple, the door to enter the Most Holy Place, and the door to go out were all made of gold.
Solomon stored the tablet that his father David had cherished in the treasury of the Gay Palace Temple. The priests of Shinnippori put it inside the Gay Palace Temple, which is called the Holiest of Holies. A statue of Aka-san is displayed on it. The tablet is a tablet containing the Ten Commandments, the revelation given to Moses by Aka-san after he left Egypt. Aka-san gave it to him as a sign of his covenant with the Israelites, and it was hidden in Horeb.
All the citizens of Shinnippori, the employees of Tsuyoshi Industries, the forest fairies, the people of the Shinnippori Fire Department, and the priests celebrated the completion of the Gay Palace Temple with cymbals, lyres, and trumpets. The trumpet players and chanters joined their voices in praise and glorification of the Eternal Father Aniki and the glory of Shinnippori that he brought.
Aniki is gracious, and his mercy is everlasting.
As Solomon praised Aniki, a light shone in the temple of Gay Palace. This was because his blessing filled the temple. However, the Gay Palace was destroyed when the straight people attacked it.
〜The End of the Old Testament.
External Links[edit | edit source]
- Nico Nico Pedia arcticle (Japanese)
