Icarius Biollantius

Gaius Icarius Biolantius (ガイウス・イカリウス・ビオランティウス, Gaiusu Ikariusu Biorantiusu) was an ancient Roman philosopher.

Overview[edit | edit source]

He created his own philosophical system in the midst of the harsh circumstances of losing to a gladiator, which had a distorting effect on Roman philosophy, which was, at the time, dominated by the stoics. Although almost forgotten and unknown in later years, he's been re-evaluated in recent years as the founder of fairy philosophy, which has received much attention in modern philosophy.

Professor Emeritus Collina Chikubi of the Department of Philosophy at Shinnippori University is known as a pioneer in the study of Icarius and is the author of "Ancient Rome and Fairy Philosophy", "Life of Icarius the Philosopher", "The Complete Works of Icarius" and many other works and papers.

"His real name was Gaius Icarius Biolantius. He was an ancient Roman gladiator, merchant, and philosopher. He was reportedly an incomparably strong gladiator and held the title of a first-class gladiator (Primus Pulse). On the day he played at the Colosseum, men♂from all over Rome gathered to watch his bravery. He's also said to have been successful in commerce after acquiring the status of a freed slave, and is reportedly a man with a businessman's eye.

On the other hand, there are also numerous sources that claim he was a lousy performer. He is well known for being an idiot who was quick to whine and say things like, "Oh, I'm scared after all," and for being a bad opening tapper. Well, it can't be helped for him to have that aspect."

- "The Life of Icarus the Philosopher", by Collina Chikubi, Part I, Chapter 1

Critical Review[edit | edit source]

From Birth to the Emergence of Philosophy[edit | edit source]

Gaius Icarius Biolantius was born in imperial Rome as a farmer in the colonial city of Gay Palace in a corner of a gentry province. Although he had no Roman citizenship, history books tell us that he was born into a noble lineage as a descendant of King Ishii, king of the Shinnippori Kingdom, which was said to be further east than Parthia and Sarmatia.

Icarius joined the auxiliary army out of poverty to seek money and citizenship, but was captured by the harsh military service when he said, "Oh, this is the worst..." and tried to leave. However, the centurion, Tortoise Fujiocanus, pleaded for his life to the legion leader, Marcus Tadanos Cosgitus, who had his whip ready, saying "Hugh, you poor thing...".

It's thought that the free man Icarius discovered the origins of the fairy philosophy of generosity from this event. At the same time, he realised that his weakness was "oh, the worst" and he wanted to be strong, so he chose to live a harsher life. That's right, he was a gladiator.

Gladiator Biolantius[edit | edit source]

As a gladiator, Icarius wasn't necessarily the best at his craft, and his bad habits...and fragile mentality were often evident. However, he was physically gifted from the start, and he gradually emerged and grew into a popular figure among the audience when his timidness made them sweat.

In addition, he had friends and lovers who helped him grow as a person. Achilla (Aquila) Caraganus, the leader of his gladiatorial group, was a great mentor and friend to Icarus. He's said to have been the one who gave him the gladiatorial nickname "Biolantius" (said to be derived from violon, meaning musical instrument) when he originally had no cognomen.

Yukipo Hagiwaranus, daughter of Yukiporia Hagiwaranus, a senator from the famous Yukipo Clan, who sponsored the gladiatorial group, also secretly had a deep affection for Icarius, who was of a different status.

But as he moved forward in his desire for a harsh life, he was conflicted about the sweetness that was beginning to grow again. Is this really the right thing to do? Ironically, a tragedy strikes him as he wonders if this is the right thing to do.

Fighting a Friend[edit | edit source]

There was an incident in which Tadanos Cosgitus, who had risen to become governor of Assyria, sent an army to Shinnippori, the land of Icarus's fathers, to take control of the city. Awarded "Synnipolics" (Conqueror of Shinnippori) by the Senate for his victory in the war, Tadanos ruled the kingdom DEEP♂DARK♂FANTASY. Although such an act was often done as a benefit to the governor of a gentry province, the Roman people were dark taken aback by this.

Furthermore, as he returned to Rome and performed a triumphant return ceremony with the Heike Boys who lived in Shinnippori, Icarius, whose anger could not be suppressed, suddenly approached Tadanos.

Seized, Icarius cried out for the slaves to be set free. Everyone predicted the death of Icarius, but surprisingly Tadanos thought for a while and then said:

"Fuck you♂ You've got some balls for being such a slacker back then. I'll give you one more chance for your courage. But I'm not so merciful as Tortoise.

If you beat the opponent I have prepared for you at the Colosseum, I will free your slaves."

- "The Life of Icarus the Philosopher", by Collina Chikubi, Part III, Chapter 2 Of course, Icarius took on the task, but to his surprise, the person Tadanos called out to the Colosseum as the BOY♂NEXT♂DOOR was his teacher and friend, Achilla Caraganus. The cries of "Is there no salvation?!" for the act of no mercy were drowned out by the voices of the frenzied crowd.

"Biolantius fought hard. He briefly gained an advantage with his "Fairy Hanshin", a technique originating in Chinese martial arts, which was rare in Rome at the time. However, the difference in power between the two men was overwhelming, and he was eventually defeated after the volume control knob on his chest was relentlessly played with.

The line he uttered just before the battle ended: "Princess Yukipo! I love you! I love you!" is a tragedy in Roman historical drama and has been performed many times on stages up to the present day."

- "The Life of Icarus the Philosopher", by Collina Chikubi, Part III, Chapter 3

Epilogue[edit | edit source]

After that, there's no detailed information about the history of the characters including Icarius himself, which is still being studied in the Department of History of Shinnippori University. However, this is not enough for me to know the details of the story, so I would like to introduce some of the common beliefs that are currently held to be true.

Gaius Icarius Biolantius - He was defeated in battle, and although he survived, his life as a gladiator was cut short. He was granted Roman citizenship by the emperor of the time who took pity on him and retired to the outskirts of Rome with Yukiporia as his wife. He wrote a great book in his later life, "The Book of Masturbation," which was influential as the oldest scholarly book on fairy philosophy.

Aquila Caraganus - He was granted Roman citizenship for his victories in the war, and with the strong backing of Tadanos, he even received Equites status. However, it's reported that he regretted sacrificing his friends in exchange for his career, which he regretted all his life. It's said that he was killed in Parthian expedition or was purged by Tadanos, but it's not known for certain.

Marcus Tadanos Cosgittus Synnipolics - He continued to boast of his immense power and rose to become the most powerful man in the empire, serving several times as regent. In his later years, he wrote a record of his own battles in his "Record of the Battle of Shinnippori," which is an important source of information on the realities of the Shinnippori Kingdom for future generations."

Their way of life may show us that love, philosophy and pants wrestling are universal.